Sometimes, I type and erase 20 lines before I can get to the one that I want. Work is getting to be a little too much. And having giving up coffee for Lent(no Lord, please, I cannot do this anymore) I have too many unsettling anxieties.
Work, love, happiness. Sigh, it's difficult to balance all of that.
I think a lot of this disconnect I experience here stems from lethargy. After a long day at work, I can mindlessly solve jigsaw puzzles but not have an actual conversation with the people I love, at home, at my other home, wherever.
This lack of communication is making me slightly batty. I have the soul of an old cat lady.
You other people out there, is your life as happy as it seems on the surface? Is it all shiny and bubbly and organised? Because mine has even lost the appearance of being so. I'm now beginning to think the entire human experience is putting up that cheery front and not letting the cracks show through. I'm a bad human now.
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Presently obsessed with David Foster Wallace. Where was this man all my life? He is so hyper-intelligent that it is a mighty struggle to keep up and well, isn't that all I've ever asked for? It's a rush to have to go back and reread sentences after years of speed reading books to understand someone.
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Dee Dee bear, thanks so much for that jigsaw. It's the most perfect thing in my life presently :) And I'm sorry I'm such a crappy friend.
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Feeling much love and gratitude to the New Yorker. I was starved till you came along in your hallowed glossiness and winding sentences at Library West. On that note, I received the most breathtaking look of pure disgust from the old librarian when I tried to return some long overdue books. I was glad to know someone still cared about things written 20 years ago.
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I had kind of a midlife crisis at twenty, which probably doesn’t augur well for my longevity
-David foster Wallace
4 comments:
Auditory traffic is traffic between the ears?
"I'm now beginning to think the entire human experience is putting up that cheery front and not letting the cracks show through. I'm a bad human now. " - You've managed to put in words what I've been feeling all weekend. It's like we're telepathic.
@ Anon:
Ah, I meant it in the sense of filtered conversations I've had through this week. Long conversations, cranky ones, happy ones and tiresome ones, you know.
@ Dee:
Man, I'm calling you soon as life clears up a bit <3
HUGS AGGIE.
My life is sometimes shiny and bubbly. At other times it's like a stale fish. I just want to put all the people I love in the room and be the only one that talks to them all, otherwise I'll worry about getting them all to talk to each other.
You're not a bad human, why can't we have more of you please.
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