Saturday, December 5, 2015

By parts

It's been so long, I don't even remember if I can write anymore. Writing is definitely on top of my list of things that go rusty after prolonged disuse. Other hits being integral calculus, binge drinking and wearing heels. Each of these in their own crappy way just go a bit off when you haven't paid them due attention in a while. Who knew you could crave integration by parts someday. The easy way it rolled off your pen and decorated page upon page with u,v,x,y and curly braces. That tired sore muscle feel after you had finished 4 pages of this and arrived at left equals right in a mathematically perfect world. Why did they never tell you that you really would not use this 5 years later. That you would, in fact, forget most of it and little by little that intricate web would be swept away.
I feel the same about Hindi sometimes. I am terrified of forgetting it. Writing and reading it. Looking at Kabir's couplets and seeing 10 words stringed into something familiar and utterly incomprehensible.
Somedays, I can't wait to be 65 and done with this life shit and have all the time in the world to lavish on the things that deserve it.
Writing for instance.


What's this year been like then? Don't ask, don't tell. 26 is not an easy time to be. Life is already becoming a little stale around the edges. I am angrier and none the wiser. or nicer. I think a lot in graphs and mass balances now. I am one Groupon Getaway from doing something very stupid. Happy people irritate me.


1 comment:

Shweta said...

And here I was expecting a birthday post.